Who am I?

The midwife identity... I'm reading with such a different level of interest now the conversations (mostly on Facebook) about things like licensing, hands-on/hands-off, midwife-fear, unassisted birth. I am learning to talk less and listen more. It isn't easy.

I think this is symbolic of something important in birth- that I can be a midwife who doesn't have to show my client that I know everything, but that I can foster trust with my confident silence. I don't have to have affirmation from other midwives/birthworkers and I probably should surrender to the idea that when I am my fullness, my own authenticity, there are plenty of people who don't like me, and don't like what I have to say. I may have to meet that in a whole new way.

I almost don't want the distraction of worrying about where I'll go to school, whether I'll license, if I'll take VBAC or twins or whatever. That all seems so peripheral to just getting *going*. It seems secondary, at least right now. I sense that there will be vast, vast explorations of my values as a midwife, as a woman - I won't (and don't) have the answers anytime soon.

I keep thinking I have something figured out and then I hear something new and I shift. I guess that will always be true, but it feels like a very dynamic and shifting time right now.