Wednesday, July 15, 2009


My 10 year wedding anniversary is coming in March and we're in discussion about what to do to mark that special milestone. We got married with just two friends in attendance and then didn't even tell our families until three months later - so there was never any party or hooplah where we could celebrate together and I feel called to consider doing something like this.

In cycle with this, I feel renewed in my commitment to birth work, refreshed and ready to look at what I do, and where I want to go, with fresh eyes and an invigorated heart. I do still toss back and forth the idea of being an OB/GYN - I don't know that any birth professional has inspired me more than my own OB, despite the many areas in which we disagree, he has shared so many incredible experiences with me (having to do directly with me and my own care, or with a client we shared) that I feel almost guilty when I think of not following in his foot steps. I think sometimes too about midwifery, I am always questioning myself on that- am I a midwife?

I feel that I don't know the answers to these questions because truly, all paths are open to me. What I do know, deeply and in my core (the way I wish I knew about being a doc or midwife), is that I want to move forward to being a great childbirth educator, a great doula, a connected henna artist and to teach couples and young women about natural family planning. I can claim that dream with clarity. I'm part way there, or there and needing a little housekeeping, on some of these, and no where near others, and that's part of this journey I suppose.

I have let the mechanisms of my doula work fall to the wayside as I a) got burned out, b) got pregnant and decided not to work through the pregnancy and after she was born, c) started attending births before I had picked up the ball, d) pursued a partnership -- and again, never went back 'home' to rekindle my relationship with my own practice. I LOVE my practice. I LOVE my methods, I love how I have things organized, I love that the client and being sustainable (in an energetic sense) are built in as the priorities. I love the confidence I have when I am organized.

I just haven't been organized in a very, very long time!

I want to just throw out everything I've collected over the years and start fresh with new things. I want to use things I've chosen rather than things I've inherited - and so I will.